The Twelve Pains of Christmas RE Style
by TimX7
Summary: A RE songfic based off the most popular Christmas parody song of all time.


I don't own Resident Evil or the song Twelve Pains of Christmas. No money is being made off of this. I hope this keeps those damn lawyers at bay.

Title: Twelve Pains of Christmas RE Style

Author: GenerationX7

Summary: The cast of Resident Evil sing their version of this Christmas parody.

Author's Note: I thought I would bring this back after I took it down before. Now I'm working on another Christmas fic. Which is the Christmas episode of Raccoon City 2004. Keep an eye out for that because it's going to be good.

The first thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

(James Marcus)  
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

(Alfred Ashford)  
Rigging up the lights

(Marcus)  
And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing of Christmas thats such a pain to me:

(Carlos)  
Hangovers

(Alfred)  
Rigging up the lights

(Marcus)  
Still have not found a (bleep) Christmas tree

The fourth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

(Albert Wesker)  
Sending the S.T.A.R.S. Christmas cards

(Carlos)  
My head hurts!

(Alfred)  
Stupid lights

(Marcus)  
Getting too cold out here

The fifth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

(Chris Redfield)  
Five months of bills

(Albert)  
Christmas cards. I hate Christmas cards

(Carlos)  
Once again hangovers

(Alfred)  
Rigging up these lights

(Marcus)  
Too cold

The sixth thing of Christmas thats such a pain to me:

(Claire Redfield)  
Facing the Ashfords

(Chris)  
Don't buy that DVD player Jill!

(Albert)  
I'm going to kill the guy who invented Christmas cards

(Carlos)  
I'm going to kill the guy that invented tequila

(Alfred)  
Getting tangled in these lights! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Marcus)  
I've almost found my Christmas tree

The seventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

(Leon Kennedy)  
Salvation Army

(Claire)  
Facing those goddamn Ashfords

(Chris crying)  
Five months of bills

(Wesker)  
mutters a stream of swear words under his breath

(Carlos)  
Oh geez!

(Alfred)  
I'm trying to rig up these lights Alexia!

(Marcus)  
That's not the Christmas tree I was looking for

The eighth thing of Christmas that is such a pain to me:

(Ashley from RE4)  
I want a Barbie doll for Christmas!

(Leon)  
Charities and who are the Ashford's Claire?

(Chris still crying)  
More (bleeping) bills!!!!!!!!!

(Wesker)  
Does Chief Irons really deserve a Christmas card?

(Carlos)  
Get me more tequila. I'm going to drink till I die.

(Alfred)  
No Extention cords!? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Marcus)  
I need some hot coco right away.

The ninth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

(Barry Burton)  
Finding parking spaces

(Ashley)  
Leon I want some candy!

(Leon)  
Donations!

(Claire)  
I got a (bleep) load of napalm with the Ashford's names on them.

(Chris)  
Bill, bill, bill

(Wesker)  
Shut up! I hate your guts already!

(Carlos)  
My head...

(Alfred)  
WHY THE (bleep) ARE THEY BLINKING!

(Marcus)  
And finding a Christmas tree.

The tenth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

(Alexia Ashford)  
Batteries not included!

(Barry)  
No parking spaces left!

(Ashley)  
BUY ME SOMETHING!

(Leon)  
GET A JOB YOU BUM!

(Claire)  
Still have to face the Ashfords

(Chris)  
Five months of bills and rent to pay!

(Wesker)  
Yo ho! Sending these God forsaken Christmas cards!

(Carlos)  
Better go pray to the toilet god

(Alfred)  
I'm not worried about your (bleep) Alexia! I'm trying to fix these lights!

(Marcus)  
Can't feel my legs.

The eleventh thing of Christmas that is such a pain to me:

(Nemesis)  
Crappy TV specials

(Alexia)  
Batteries not included! -cries-

(Barry)  
The only space open is a handicap spot.

(Ashley)  
I've got to go to the bathroom!

(Leon)  
(bleep)ing charities!

(Claire)  
Alexia's a bitch I hate her.

(Chris in a insane asylum)  
Bills! Bills! They're everywhere!

(Wesker)  
I don't even like half of these people.

(Carlos)  
Who's got the the mop? I missed the toilet.

(Alfred)  
Alexia! Get the flashlight I blew a fuse!

(Marcus)

Is that what I think it is? -finds a Charlie Brown sized Christmas tree-

The Twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

(Hunk, Nicholai and Ada)  
Singing Christmas carols!

(Nemesis)  
Where's the violence!? Where's the blood spray!?

(Alexia)  
There has to be some batteries around here somewhere.

(Barry)  
No parking!!

Ashley throws a temper tantrum

(Leon)  
DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -shoots the Salvation Army Santa Clause in the head-

(Claire)  
Gotta make them dinner!

Chris kills himself

(Wesker)  
They're just getting a fruitcake this year. That's it!

(Carlos)

EVERYONE SHUT THE (bleep) UP!

(Alfred)  
You're Umbrella's top scientists! YOU rig up the lights!

Marcus is shot by Billy Coen for bringing home a crappy Christmas tree.

Author's Comment: Originally I had Sherry Birkin for the eighth pain, but I thought it would be funny to replace Sherry with Ashley from Resident Evil 4. I hope you've liked this song fic and anxiously await the Christmas chapter of Raccoon City 2004. It may be the last chapter of 2004. Before I decide to change it's name to Raccoon City 2005. See you all in the year 2005.


End file.
